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Mother and Me


I’m going to talk about the last time I saw my mother. Jeff and I went to Quincy, Illinois, to visit my kids, see my mother, and on the way back home to visit my sister and her family in St. Louis. I knew when I went in to see my mother, with this feeling that I’ll be seeing her for the last time before she drops her body, I had this feeling that I sure did wish my mother would have known me. I’m a twin, and we were raised to be like one person as far as my mother was concerned, but my mother didn’t know my personality. My mother always thought of us as one person, so she knew my sister’s personality, she did not know mine. So anyway, when I went to see mother she was in this very nice home. We met all the people and everybody was so friendly and it was so beautiful, and they had a place for birds, and the people could sit outside, and in the wintertime they could come in and sit and watch those beautiful birds in this great big, huge cage — just beautiful birds. So I took mother in the wheelchair, and Jeff and I wheeled her into the room where the birds were, and it was all so lovely, and we were just talking and having such a nice visit together.

I knew as I was talking with Mother that when the time came for the visit to be over, I would be telling her goodbye for the last time. The feeling got stronger and stronger as I was talking with her. She was in real good spirits, the home was so beautiful, and the people were so nice, it was all so comfortable for her and for me to see this. So when the time came for the visit to end, I was telling mother goodbye and talking about times when we were kids together, my twin and I. She was laughing and got some of the cute things right at the end about my sister and me and how we would dance together and people would clap. I was reminiscing with Mother to have her remember her twins. When I told her goodbye, of course, there were lots of tears on my side, as I knew that I was not going to see her again. So when Jeff and I left, we went to visit with my sister, Eileen, and her family, and then we left for South Carolina.

It was a little more than six weeks after returning to Myrtle Beach that I got the call that Mother had passed away. I knew I couldn’t get back for the funeral. Fortunately, we had just had a nice visit with her, full of wonderful memories. So I called the Meher Center and made a time to stay on the Center while Mother’s funeral was going on. I asked to be in the Log Cabin, as that was where Mother and I stayed for two weeks back when Jeff and I first moved here in the early ’80s. During our last visit together, Mother talked about how she had enjoyed our wonderful two weeks on the Center. We stayed in that little cabin and walked around, and she would talk and talk about how wonderful the feeling was to be on the Center. She loved it there. She was really happy when I’d put her in the car and we would go to the ocean and then we’d stop at the Barn. I took her all around the Center and oh, she just loved that. So it was such a wonderful thing then for me to be right there in Log Cabin while her body was being laid to rest. I was so happy to be able to be in the cabin she and I had spent two wonderful weeks in.

The morning that I had this experience, it was around five and still dark outside, but it was beginning to lighten. Nothing woke me up, no noise or anything, just all of a sudden my eyes popped open. I looked across the room, and there Baba and Mother were standing. Baba had Mother by her elbow, as her hands were kind of together in front of her. Baba was standing there holding her like that, and they were standing right together and looking at me. Baba said, “Agatha” (this was my mother’s name), “this is your daughter Arlene,” and Mother went, “Oh, oh, Arlene,” and I said, “Oh Baba, Mother, oh how wonderful, oh how wonderful, I’m so glad you know me.” And just like that, I knew that Baba had given my mother, right after passing out of her body, the knowing of me, her other child, whom she never knew. I was so happy, and Baba was smiling, and Mother was, well, surprised to know me, and I could see this on her face. It was such a beautiful feeling, and I knew that Baba was starting to take her away, that they would leave. They never turned around and walked out the door, they just kind of like backed up and faded away. And, oh, it was the most beautiful and wonderful feeling of knowing that my mother really knew me; and after that I never had a feeling that my mother didn’t know me, it kind of like washed away all the years of my mother only knowing my sister’s personality. That was such a wonderful gift from Baba, to let me have this feeling of, “Well, she always knew you,” but you know, I knew she didn’t.

Baba has said that sometimes he will allow the souls to come back and be around their loved ones for a little while after they drop their body, and so Mother had been trying to find me. My husband, Jeff, and I were sleeping together, and Mother said to Jeff, “Where’s Arlene? I can’t find Arlene. I’m looking for Arlene,” and Jeff said, “Well, Ag, your daughter’s lying right here beside me. This is Arlene.” And, she said, “I’m looking for Arlene. I can’t find Arlene. where’s Arlene?” “You can’t see her here? She’s lying right beside me, she’s lying right here beside me!” I was asleep, never woke up through their conversation, and Mother said, “I can’t find her, I can’t find her.” Then Jeff knew he wasn’t able to do anything for her. Then she faded away.

So I was on the Center, in the Log Cabin where she and I had that beautiful two-week vacation with Baba. Oh, when Baba brought her, oh, she was so happy to know her daughter, and Baba introduced us, actually introduced us. “Agatha, this is your daughter Arlene.” “Oh, oh,” she responded. It took Baba for my mother to know my personality and to really know me. Baba totally and completely updated her. The way I caught it was, then she would remember me always. This way she knew me, but it had to come through Baba. And so I’m so very, very grateful that Baba allowed me to be known by my mother. What a beautiful and wonderful gift. I just thank Baba, and tell Him how much I appreciate the beautiful, beautiful gift that was given for my mother to know both her twins. This is so sweet of Baba, and oh, Baba looked so sweet and so happy, and the gift was given in such a way that now I always think of my mother as always knowing me, although I knew she never did, but I don’t feel that anymore — I know that she knows me and that’s all that matters to me. And, I just say to Baba, “Baba darling, thank you so much, and I appreciate this beautiful, beautiful gift you’ve given me, and I’ll always and always remember this, always and always.” Jai Baba, Jai Baba, Jai Baba.

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